宇宙〜space

Ash like Snow

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 18:48:03 GMT

When you are a kid (When's the end of that?) you can de everything and be everyone.

Growing up (Aren't you just waiting for growing up to be over already?) is most often associated with letting go of these things. Why is that? Well, because, you are slowly understanding things like friendship and love and hate, but also the concepts of death and regret - growing up means you will die. Someday.

Besides death, we fear regret the most, so in order to make sure that you do not die after regretfully having wasted your time on wonderfully imaginative stuff, you find yourself a steady job with a steady income to steadily and surely head towards dieing.

DA DA-DA-DANDELION <3

Thu, 11 Jun 2009 22:08:31 GMT

haha)) i'm excited - waiting for my t-shirt design to get approved or discarded!!!

check it out:::

Long before Rock'n'Roll…?Before Mando Diao.

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 12:20:24 GMT

Yesterday Mando Diao rocked the Palladium in Cologne, Germany, with unbelievable energy, charm and a great show.

The concert hall wasn't packed to burst - and it could have been as the tickets had sold out over two months ago - which made the show even more personal and enjoyable.

We got treated to the debut of 'Gloria' and a great playlist made up of a mix of old and new songs.'Dance with Somebody' rocked the obligatory first encore along with 'Long before Rock'n'Roll' ("Long before Mando Diao!"), 'TV and Me', 'God Knows' and 'Down in The Past' - the second time the guys came back out after we'd screamed our throats raw, they played 'Leave My Fire' and 'You've Been on My Mind'. Needless to say that at this point in time the fans were just as tired as the band, but everyone held on and cheered and screamed admirably after a decidedly bad start of concert with a mosh pit and a lot of unwilling participants. The crowning conclusion of things was both singers coming down from the stage, going around saying "Thank you" and just touching hands.
Bonding anyone?

Writing this, I'm listening to the concert all over again on my computer through the concert-data-stick purchased right after the concert. It cost 20€, but it is totally worth the price as the quality is good and the encore is downloadable on 'concert-online.com' for free with the code that comes with the usb drive.

Thank you, Mando Diao!!!♡

I'll go, save up money for the next concert!

People's Needs

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 16:55:38 GMT

Okaeri. Welcome home.

The warmth of dim afternoon light would spread - or is it just us?

Be reasonable. Do not cry. People dying of hunger and cold - it is not your fault.

So, do not be foolish! You are not the center of the universe,you know. Stop with the self pity,why don't you?

If you have to,indulge yourself more - but stop it. And how about taking more interest in other people for a change!

You're so egoistical. This kind of inner crisis is nothing compared to what some others have to go through.

Can't you just gather what is left of your pitiful inner life and overcome this disgusting laziness,this supposed depression!

There is this concept,the real world! Where there are real problems and people!

People,dying of hunger and cold!

And you,you don't even know,nigh understand,what it is you are complaining about!

Be reasonable!

When I come in that would be what I would hear.

I would close the door behind me -

Tadaima. I'm home.

- and silence would spread.

i'm such a loser....

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 20:14:42 GMT

I tried calling the Wall Street Journal's customer service today,because,after having bought a subscription recently,we started getting three papers instead of one. Key word being 'tried'.

To say that the web site's - through which I tried getting the number - layout is confusing would be overstated,so let me explain it like this: The six different phone numbers listed are five too many for someone who even manages to get lost on the way to school. Now,imagine the extent of my absentmindedness.

Having tried all those numbers with none of them working or at least not working long enough for someone at the other end to pick up,I tried again and felt phenomenally relieved when I got through at last! (I shouldn't have bothered....)

A woman's voice greeted me with something along the lines of 'Wall Street Journal, customer service.How may I help you?'. Of course in English - it was Wall Street Journal Europe I had been calling,after all.
I cheerfully relaid my dilemma to her,delighting in the chance to practice my English language skills.

All happy feelings came to a screeching halt when she answered with: 'So let me get this straight.You've got a subscription to get three copies of our newspapers delivered to Germany?'. You know that absolutely incredible voice that involuntarily slips out when people think that you've gone nuts right in front of their eyes? That kind of voice is what made it crystal-clear that I had called WSJ's customer service in America. I felt so worthless right then.

The nice lady talking to me gave me another number to try after I had pathetically complained about not finding the right one online. Sadly it did not work any better than the ones before.

So,completely frustrated,I went to my dad and asked what I had been doing wrong. After all,our phone did not have that stupid '+' prefix (like my mobile does) that most of those numbers have.
Dad said I either had to be kidding or seriously drunk off my ass and was severely disappointed in his most beloved and only child when being told I was serious.

Now,I am wondering just how I managed to forget that there is such a thing as country- and area - codes.

Rounding back to the subject of my post: I'm such a loser....

Pixar ~ PRESTO

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 22:18:38 GMT

This had me in stitches! Please watch -___^

onomatope

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 19:43:51 GMT

I am having trouble not to overly dramatize this post.My dad just had to go to the hospital.There.It is out of the way now.

The point is,this will probably sound very egoistical,that I am still caught up in all the other moments of (last week/month/yesterday?) the past which still stick with me through the days and evolve into processes/events.That happens sometimes.Maybe it is an 'artist thing'.

One such moment happened the week before last;it holds a strong childish feeling of petulance and helplessness connected to a graduation trip to London and a great dislike for most of my grade's english class.

The next one is a blur of London,an up and down of color with the music I am listening to now mixed in.It carries a positive feeling of a long walk,breaking rules and meeting fundamentally different people.

On the day before my last one in London happened several moments-which-expanded-and-hung-on.

In an overall mood of freedom and laughter I remember being told to say 'I am an artist.' like I meant it,a squished car ride with music in my lap and loose thoughts in my head and a band of friends all around;some sweet kisses tasting of cigarettes.

Where is the sense in losing all the above and letting 'dad' and 'hospital' set into my head?

I think "whatever happens,happens" (just where did I read that?) is a fitting saying.Then again,what I do and what I do not do is still up to me and when my father comes back or I go to see him I would like to have more to say than 'I was so busy worrying that I didn't do anything...';I would like to tell him something else.Give him a moment of my own life to expand on,so to speak.

unhealthy

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 22:16:08 GMT

I remember that day in old-fashioned wallpaper and with a velvet, textured sofa.

My great-grandmother lying on it,taking up very little space on it,dead in never ending sleep.

This is not how it had happened.I know that for sure.I was not home that day.I had not gone home for a very long time by that point,but that is another tale and to make it short:During that period of my life I lived and returned to my grandparents'.

I think that I had hated her in between the periods of time of liking her and then again that might have been what my,still childish- still child- mind had made up when,years after her death,I started waking up crying with her on my mind not knowing why.

I think I had loved her- when there had been no tears and unconditional acceptance of her demise from that child who I am I had already been separated from father for what I was convinced had to be what the adults called eternity and great-grandma was just somewhere else as well.

Adults who think like that are thought to be in denial,but when you are little denial is normal- not unhealthy.

...endlessly...

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 13:32:26 GMT

I always feel cold and light when I haven't slept...

It's like addiction so sweet.. Only then can I feel my blood sluggishly move through my veins and my every bone ache.

And so, I am content and calm. This world is hazy then and the sunlight not harsh. Only the sharp warmth of my teacup held against my chilly cheek (when did it get so cold?) sweetly penetrates my mind.

And so, I scribble poetry in small sentences, reminiscent of a pigeon's little fluttering wings on grey, dawn-lit mornings. That is my favorite kind of light as it reminds me of rainy days and sleepless nights-
I always feel cold and light when...

This is just a little something I'd written about a year ago)) I was it lying around and got the urge to post it online.So there :P

uber cool photos(o・ω・o)

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 16:16:56 GMT

please don't eat my ipod! Dx...

but i really wanted to!

the 'i-just-got-out-of-bed' hair <3

we arrived in kiev...

...and were met with these guys.:9 they DO look like a boy band,no?

everybody loves red cars

an angry girl;)

i'm a japanese schoolgirl on a bridge?

love #1

love #2

small-ish difference in size:)

CLICK on pic above and pic below to see them move very slowy
:D

someone gave me a lollipop<3

new frieds!

we all live...

mood music?;)

this one is self-explanatory)))

a definition for 'summer' and 'holiday';)

sushi<3

a kiiiiiiss to say goodbyeeeeeee..<3

Impressions of Kiev

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 23:21:54 GMT

GUIDE TO KiEV

It is favourable to start at a nondescript house on a hill located in the middle of the city overlooking the whole town. In there lives the ghost of a man who has long since turned as cunning as a woman. He sees everything that is going on in his capital.

Right alongside his residence there is the "House of Chimera". The ones on the outside- trapped on the roof, on top of the doors- have turned into stone and the Chimera inside the House are ghosts; unlike the man they are relics of times long past instead of omens of a looming future.

Go downhill, follow the cars, snap the heels of your red stilettos and find yourself on a wide, long and expensive street after having passed the independent square, the independent lady and Pushinka- the baby-bunny working under the square's pine tree.

On a side note: beware bubble-spewing sea-dragons.

The wide, expensive and long street will present you with following sights. Chicks who are not made to walk, clothing that is made for viewing purposes only (hence the prices) and all different kinds of the species of men and vehicles.

More often then not throughout your journey you are liable to encounter clouds of greed and thickheaded-ness. To get safely through turbulence it is recommended to travel with friends.

london photos))

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 14:19:25 GMT

..of course my parents tagged along :P

's what i liked most..

disgust

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 21:15:40 GMT

I have never been as disgusted with anyone or anything in my whole life as I am with her.
It is not that I hate her, she does not hold enough significance in my eyes, have an ounce of my respect nor has she enough worth to warrant hate.
She is rotting inside and filled with maggots...is the feeling I get looking at her.
I catch myself staring at her, wondering if she would blow up one day and those maggots along with the filth accumulating inside of her would splatter against a nearby wall and coat the ceiling...
Worst of all is maybe that I am jealous of her. Not because she is dating the guy I broke up with but still like and respect very much, but because her demeanor screams inconsiderate slut and not even deliberately so. Sometimes I just think it would be nice to just say 'fuck you all' and be the same kind of whiny, clingy, dumb person she is.
As soon as that thought hits nausea does, too, and I remember I don't want to be like that after all.

angel

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 21:43:09 GMT

My friend tells me that there lives an angel in our fridge.

I think it is wedged between the fish and the marmalade with wings of snow and ice, porcelain skin and a shallow breath.

I sometimes thought: "Why did it choose to lodge in the fridge?".

The obvious answer being that angels live and thrive in the cold, but surely there are frostier places by far.

So once, I sat on the cold floor- christmas had flooded the white tiles- looked at the sleek exterior of my refrigerator and met a highly distorted reflection of silvery, semi-transparent skin with eyes akin to mine stuck in a dis-proportioned body - remembering.

What came back were people I had thrown away; some I had wished were with me and they had not been, upon others I had wished existence when existed they had not. Under all these gazes the floor got colder and the christmas lights stark.

The peculiarities of the mechanics of sitting on tiled floors are that you not only hear, but feel sounds, too. Thrumming for example; a kitchen floor thrums, you know?

so what threw me back to myself, was not some warm memory conjured up with my own awe-inspiring willpower, but the sound of electricity thrumming through the kitchen. With it came the other people who'd apparently followed everyone else behind our refrigerator door; my best friend sleepily sipping coffee and listening to the 'thrum' of her favorite song "angel" which our fridge apparently shared, floated by in my thoughts.

So there was that angel, still, wedged between the fish, the marmalade and all the dreams, with wings of snow and ice, porcelain skin and a shallow breath. It dreamed, I concluded.

~gets you through winter

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 12:25:18 GMT

Regardless if you like it or not, there is one thing that is a must during our wintry-cold months: rum tea.
It will not only warm you up, but will also lift your spirits - and is there a more perfect beverage to share? ~<3

click here for recipes

because***

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 10:14:28 GMT

Drinking, smoking, doing stuff that is not good for my health; and people keep bugging me about why I do what I do if there are oh-so sophisticated ways of 'having fun'.
And I don't understand why it is everyone has learned to say why and forgotten that there's more. 'Why not' has become a burden to society.

I've always known how to bark a 'why* into people's faces, but sometimes you need more and just let go. 'Why not* is my freedom and one that I try to give to others, too.

schizophrenia

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 12:37:41 GMT

haha) this is quickly becoming more of a poetry dump than my journal))

home alone

gone alone

no one to talk to

-on the phone

come with me

we will be

something free

-unconventional maybe?

how about you talk to me this once?

you say you try

so tell me why

-your writing in our shared journal is all i ever see..

on the paper is where you speak

but i feel,feel you peak

-through my eyes; sometimes

when i'm aware

you are there

-where i used to be

but when i'm gone...

and afterward i feel open, laid prone

-before your scrutiny

at you

i can't gaze back.

and every time i turn

there's my shadow on the wall.

when that is what i see,

come back to myself

there's my shadow on the wall.

it's a different wall now

and there's blood

and there's fat

and there's ...

on my hands again.

now i know you'd been there.

how come you say

this is what we share?

home alone

gone alone

no one to talk to

-on the phone

come with me

we will be

-unconventional maybe?

how about a real -journal- entry?

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 14:01:09 GMT

Once again a small something on friendship and love.

I feel intensely and deeply towards the people I'm surrounded with, but always keep them at a distance.
I am a very direct person and oftentimes brutally honest, especially with the people I care about; I await the same in return. But that is not how it works.

_________________________"because I'm afraid I have
__________________________invented you out of my own needs."...is what I fear most in life.

Do you really get it though?

good way to wake up is..

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 09:22:22 GMT

A good way to wake up, and fall asleep for that matter, is while spooned by various breathing bodies; warm, in-between your kinda-friends and on the floor with too few pillows for everyone.
What makes it so good? Aside from the warmth, the alcohol and the karaoke + movies that led to the position...?
_______In all reality, the good thing is that being awoken by your friend's annoying mobile- 'cause he insists on leaving early - is downright awful; still, you are warm.
_______In all reality, the good thing is that in one night you have acquired cramps in muscles you didn't even know existed (comparable to the tension of sleeping abroad a year..)which makes your bones sound like a 70-year-old's once you get up; there's still someone lying behind you, though, your bodies are touching in some places and you smile sleepily through the cramps and the renewed ringing of your other friend's mobile.
_______In all reality, it's so bad that you'll crave to do it again and again, taking the cramps, throwing the mobile to sheepishly apologize later on; and it will not matter where you'll go to sleep after doing what (be it karaoke or outside-smokes on a freezing night and the on the floor of someone's flat or in a dog-pile on a park-bench), because you'll like the warmth left you even after you've gotten up and found out that you've spend all night on said park-bench.

§$%&/i don't need to think hard and figure out 'friendship',
it just happens once in a while...<3

Sun, 18 Nov 2007 20:51:15 GMT

a small piece of writing from over a year ago.. comments are welcome)

disorder is my nerves plugged all wrong,
where have you gone?
disorder is order inside myself
to the price of a good called civilisation
plugged off a pricey hotel-bar-shelf.

dare to shut the proverbial refrigerator door-
and the light goes off.

something to smile about)

Wed, 10 Oct 2007 17:15:30 GMT

There is this chinese artist called *Rain* whose pictures I had found by chance recently.
I wanted to share the art, 'cause it makes me smile) Thurthermore,even though some paintings may seem crudly done, it is worth it to look on!!
link <3

impression:tram <-the five o´clock penis...

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 16:43:29 GMT

Riding the tram has gotta be one of my favourite things to do.. just a while ago, dead tired from a double lesson of sports, but with a fuzzy statisfied kind of feeling, I was taking the tram home and just as we are about to pass through a reeeaaally short tunnel I spot these 3 middle aged people lounging at the entrance on their bycicles- it was raining - and knotting up one these baloons that clowns form into all sorts of animals for lil' children.

As we'd passed them, looking back, I see the woman out of those 3 waving the finished product, which now had the shape of a penis, around wildly , animatedly explaining something. I like trams <3

expressing reality on paper..

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 16:43:05 GMT

I just spent 2 hours drawing a birthday gift for a friend of mine which, in itself, wouldn't be anything worth writing about, but i got the urge to rant about how it is so difficult to draw accurately and not let it look..kinda dead.
Also there is the fact that I have a photo for reference, one in which he's playing his favourite instrument. He has to hold it in the vicinity of his lap, so I just spent 2 hours of my life staring at his scrotch and did not even realise it... sad don't you think?

I'd upload a few pictures to see what the general livejournal populance thinks about 'em, but I got no scanner and no idea, still, what possessed me to get an online journal.. I can't even keep writing in a normal one.

Paris

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 19:55:04 GMT

me an' the river

first time i've been to paris))
(27th-29th July)

friend + obsession^^

a friend who came to stay with our family for a while.))

eiffel tower

they turn off the lights around 3 o´clock =(

journal? sigh

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 17:22:44 GMT

So strange to have an online journal))) I can't seem to be able to talk to ppl over the internet; it IS supposed to be addictive))
For my real-life friend's sake I'll try to get the hang of this..